I must say that I have found packing incredibly difficult. Not because I particularly want to take a lot of stuff, or because I can't go places without my favourite 'such-and-such'. Mainly because once you start packing things it is difficult to stop. I could quite happily go away right now with my flute and teddy bear, maybe CH4, and not miss anything. [In this situation that probably wouldn't be sensible and may result in frostbite, you get the point though...] However, once I start packing t-shirts I feel bad about leaving behind my 6th favourite behind when actually it's not far away in sentimental value from my 5th favourite. So should I just leave all my favourites and take a load that I don't care about at all? You see the situation on the t-shirt front alone?!
I guess life's a bit like that too. Moving from place to place you collect so many people and places, little bits and bobs so when you move on to the next bit unless you have to leave it all behind it is very hard to accept that actually you can't take it all. There is a chorus in The Weepies song 'Slow Pony Home';
And all that time, I felt just fine
I held so many people in my suitcase heart
That I had to let the whole thing go
It was taken by the wind and snow
And I still didn't know that I was waiting
For a girl on a slow pony home
The thing is when packing your bags you are 95% sure that you can come back to your room and all the things you love that you left will be sitting there (gathering dust, sure) and everything will be fine. You can't do that with people. Cause each of us is doing the same thing and it will change us as we do it. We won't be able to go back to 'that room' and they will still be sitting there, because people shouldn't gather dust. What is dust but dead matter that was once part of us; surely we mustn't stay frozen for so long that what we did manage to let go of settles on the surface!
So off into the world we go and everyone is affected by that, because that is life. I don't like this image of life as a road, a journey down a road. I don't think that we each have a path etched out for us. I think that life is more like a garden, or the countryside, where you see something that interests you over THERE and you go to check it out, and other people who have been attracted to it are there to (though maybe they saw something different over this way.) It's about exploring and meeting people along the way rather than getting to a destination.
So I'm off to explore the next bit after sitting in my little cave frightened to go anywhere proper all summer. I'm heading over to look at the sea for a bit and then who knows?! If you fancy coming along to count the rabbits then you are more than welcome to join me. (There will be knitting and singing aplenty.)
Shalenipo
